Do you feel
overwhelmed with seemingly endless opportunities to serve the Lord and the
church in multiple areas? Recently our team had a long discussion about the
need for the ability to know what to say ‘yes’
to as individuals and as a team and what not we will say ‘no’ to. This prompted me to pull some thoughts
together about how to know what to say ‘yes’ to and what to say ‘no’ to. I came up with 4 areas (I’m sure there are
many more):
1-AGREEING TO DO SOMETHING FOR THE WRONG
REASONS
Am I now
trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If
I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Gal.1:10
There are many
reasons why we agree to serve. Sometimes
we say yes out of a sense of obligation or expectations. Sometimes God speaks to us about what He
wants us to do in a still small voice, while people around us needing someone
to take on different responsibilities speak in big LOUD voices that sometimes
drown out God’s voice. Our natural
tendency is to not want to disappoint others, so more often than not we agree
to the LOUD voices (at least I am guilty of this).
We also say yes
because of feeling pressured because no one else will do it. I been
in situations where something needs to be done but no one is volunteering to
take ‘it’ on (whatever ‘it’ is) so I will reluctantly say yes. Sometimes we feel pressure from the person
insisting that we take responsibility for the task because they are desperate
because they can’t find anyone else willing to do it. Sometimes I put pressure on myself by
thinking that ‘someone’ needs to do this and if no one else will commit to
doing it, then I guess it means that I should say yes.
Saying ‘yes’ simply
because you feel external or internal pressure to say ‘yes’ doesn’t allow for:
- creative problem solving – maybe there is a much better way to accomplish the task but we won’t be forced to think creatively about other possibilities if you agree to do this just because no one else will step up and offer to do it;
- critical thinking – if no one wants to do the task/lead the ministry/take on the responsibility, then it should make us ask the question, ‘is this something we really should do?’ Again, if you agree to take this responsibility just because you feel pressured or feel it’s expected of you, then this strategic question will go unasked;
- it doesn’t allow the Holy Spirit the space to convict someone to do it if they were saying no to His promptings – your’ yes’ gets them “off the hook”. I have been guilty myself of knowing that a certain responsibility was something God wanted me to do, but because I knew that if I waited long enough someone else in the group would say ‘yes’ and I wouldn’t have to do it…and I ended up basically saying ‘no’ to God’s promptings in my life.
If you tend to say ‘yes’ to
things too quickly, ask yourself, “am I saying ‘yes’ for the wrong
reasons?” If so, then ask God to show
you what He would have you say ‘yes’ to.
2– AGREEING
TO DO SOMETHING YOU DON’T HAVE THE CAPACITY TO DO:
Therefore
be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your
time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what
the will of the Lord is. (Ephesians
5:15-17)
Some of us have
great intentions but an unrealistic idea of how much time something will take,
or how much of ourselves do we have to give right now to this request or if we
really are the right person to take this responsibility on. We are limited beings with limited
resources, abilities and life constraints.
Yet there seem to be so many really great needs and ministries and
opportunities and so few people to do those things, so it’s hard to say ‘no’,
especially when we really want to help.
Just think about
it, though, if you say yes to 10 things with the expectation (from yourself
and/or from others) that you will give 100% to each task/responsibility/ministry,
then you will probably not only do a poor job in the 10 areas, but you will
quickly burn out from trying to minister under unrealistic expectations. Wouldn’t be better to do 1 or 2 primary
things well instead of exhausting ourselves doing many secondary things poorly?
A good reminder to live
with: We can’t do everything. When we
try, then everything suffers. We must make good choices.
3-
CONFUSING BUSYNESS WITH SPIRITUALITY
We must be
careful not to confuse ‘busyness’ with spirituality. Meredith Dancause, an American church leader,
passionate about discipleship and leadership development, says it well…
“We have bought into the notion that the
best leaders are the busiest people. The more you have on your calendar, the
more you can pack into one day, the longer you work, the more stressed you are,
the better the leader you are. We have turned busyness into a badge of honor we
wear with pride.”
Are you saying yes to
every opportunity that comes across your path, thinking that a good leader has
to say yes to everything? Are you
filling your schedule with activities without being intentional and strategic
about the things you are saying ‘yes’ to?
4- FOCUS
ON THE THINGS GOD HAS GIVEN YOU TO DO
Acts
26:16-18 … the Gentiles, to whom I am sending you, to open their eyes so that
they may turn from darkness to light…[God had a specific group of
people He wanted Paul to target and a very specific type of ministry he was
called to do]
The most
important thing in deciding what you will say ‘yes’ to and ‘no’ to is to
determine what God is calling you to give most of yourself, your time and your
energy to. Those things tend to be what
you feel most passionate about in ministry.
(American Pastor/Author) Randy Alcorn advises, “Rather
than a large number of causes that we have tiny little investments in, better
to have a much smaller number that you’re wholeheartedly engaged in, giving
your very best. Ask God for wisdom as to which these should be, and God will
give it (James 1:3). But NEVER say yes without
asking whether this is one of those exceptional things God really wants you to
do.”
It is what we are
able to say no to that allows us to say yes to God to do the small number of
things He Himself has called us to do. Sometimes
we tend to say yes to too many of the good
things (such as being on the worship team, teaching Sunday School, being in
charge of the student retreat, leading an HIV/anti-drugs outreach in the
schools), leaving us exhausted and unable to bring our best to those relatively few things which God has called placed on
your heart to do.
I am not saying that we shouldn’t say ‘yes’ to a
few of the ‘good’ things – but we need to limit those things we say ‘yes’ to
and be careful not to commit so much time to the other ‘good’ things that we
don’t have time or capacity or ability to do the things that God has
specifically called you to do. A couple
of examples:
- if you feel that God has called you to ministry to college students at this time in your life, then focus most of your efforts on that responsibility and just say yes to a couple of things in your church that require less of your time and capacity (greeting, teaching children’s Sunday School on a semi-regular basis, or committing to do something that takes a larger part of you in the summer when student ministry is slower).
- maybe God has called you to lead the music team in your church, but you have an interest in student ministry or high school ministry…then make the music team your primary area of ministry and give small parts of your time to one of the other areas of service, but don’t take on any significant roles or areas of responsibility.
Some good advice:
- Take time to ask God what it is He is specifically calling you to do at this time in your life or in your life in general. Write those things down and keep it in a place were you could regularly see it.
- If you are asked to serve in an area that doesn’t match with what God has called you to do, then most of the time your answer should be ‘no’.
- Seek His wisdom and empowerment in doing those few important things He wants you to do, knowing that saying yes to God is the best thing you can do.
By
saying no to the right things we are able to stay true to our purpose in life.
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