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Very practical tips for resolving team conflict

It is perfectly natural that we encounter times when we don’t immediately agree with each others ideas during planning times on a team.  The following are some simple tips that can help bring about resolution to the differences of opinion.

1.       Differences of opinion as you talk about strategies and events are healthy as you work together with an agreed-upon mission.  It helps you to consider the good sides and weak sides of possible events or strategies.  It helps you to think though which is the better strategy to use.

NOTE:  Differences of opinion in vision and mission -what you feel God has called you to do as a group- is a very different issue.  If there are members on your team who have a completely different mission or overall objective for your team, then it may mean that it is better for you not to work together.   Agreement on mission is crucial.  God has not called us all to the exact same mission.  He calls some of us to different way of fulfilling His mission for us.  The mission of New Life, the mission that I am coaching and resourcing you in, is more than the mission of simply taking the gospel to lost students in Russia.  The mission is to build movements of evangelism and discipleship and prayer on your campus – to be a lighthouse on your campus to the non-believers who don’t know where else to go to find the Light.

2.       Conflict becomes a problem is when it stops you from moving forward in your team’s objective. 

·         One simple way to deal with conflict when it comes to choosing what ideas or plans to use in the overall vision and mission of building a movement on your campus is to stop the discussion and take time to pray silently for 10 minutes.  As each of you goes before the Lord in prayer, mentally go over the reflection questions from the last coaching tip, confess any sin He brings to your mind and make sure you are filled with the power of the Holy Spirit.

 Ask God to direct your thoughts toward His plan for what you should do.  Then after someone closes your time in prayer, share with each other what God impressed on you.  When I have done this on teams, it generally ends up that He has brought us all into agreement during the prayer time, or has totally changed my mind on the thing I was fighting for and prompted me to be willing to do what another person on the team was suggesting.

·         Another thing you can do as you feel yourself beginning to want to fight for your idea, is simply to defer to the other.  Usually there is no perfectly right or no absolutely wrong idea when you are talking about which event to choose – there might be some which appear better, and you may think that your idea is better, but practice the concept of letting go of your idea, and promoting the idea of someone else.  Perhaps you can add something that will improve their idea so that you can own it together.  It may mean just letting something go just because you feel pride starting to come in and putting someone else's ideas before your own is a humble response.

“If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if His love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves…”  Phil.2:1-4 - The Message

Conflict and Phil.2:1-4

Conflict generally happens anytime you put two people together.  That’s just the way it is.  Conflict is a natural part of life…it is what makes life interesting!  Working together as a team to accomplish what God has called you to do pretty much guarantees conflict.  Conflict is not good or bad – it is neutral.  It is how we handle it that makes it feel good or bad. 

One way that conflict can grow on a team is when each person is more concerned about their own interests than in another person’s interests and so there is a completion of interests.  When I am determined that my way is done, or my suggestion taken or my idea considered, and when other people on the team are equally determined to have their ideas implemented is when conflict becomes ugly. 

The Philippian church was encountering conflict.  It must have not been anything major as the tone of Paul’s writing in the Letter to the Philippians indicates mild concern rather than serious correction.  He wanted to remind the Philippians of how to respond to the conflict between them in a manner glorifying to the Lord.  In fact he reminds them that Jesus is the supreme model for not allowing conflict to come in the way of our effectiveness in working together as a team.

In Phil.2:1-4 we see that the core of their conflict was probably the desire of the Philippians to protect the things that concerned them.  Paul appeals to the model of Jesus in Phil.2:1.  He wanted them to be devoted to seeking the good of others first.  He reminds them that they have no personal rights (the right to be considered first, the right to make all the decisions, the right to determine what the group will do, the right to be right…). 

Ultimately we are united by God’s mission – having the same commitment to unity and harmony as we work together in pursuing the mission of taking the gospel to the world (Phil.1:27).  Staying united in purpose is a choice, a daily choice.  We must choose to have the right attitude toward one another. 

Attitude is key!  Our attitude toward one another and toward ourselves is a main ingredient in how serious the conflict could become.

1-How unity is broken:

Unity is lost when we allow factions or divisions to arise (Phil.2:3).  The image behind the Greek word for factions is that of a political election:  when a politician runs for office, he tries to build a following for himself by building himself up and putting down his opponents.  We can easily do this as believers when we try to rally others to take our side when there is a disagreement. 

Another destroyer of unity is pride in self.  It is the inclination to make yourself look good and in turn make others look bad.  It is similar to the description above, but the difference is that the first killer of unity is when you try to influence others to support you and your idea or agenda.  Pride is when you assume that what you think is the best idea or that you alone know the best course to follow.

2-How to stay unified:

The way to maintain unity is through two of the hardest character traits to have:  humility and unselfishness.  This is why Paul reminds us of these traits of Jesus at the beginning and the end of this section.  Pride and putting others down comes naturally to us; humility and unselfishness are not natural to man nature.  Yet Paul calls us to humility and to be unselfish.  “Stop looking out for yourself; it doesn’t matter what you want, think, prefer.  What matters is our unity for the sake of the gospel.” 

Humility calls us to count others as better than ourselves – to be so interested in the welfare of others that you forget about thinking about yourself.  It’s the idea of loosing yourself in the service of others.  Consider how Jesus laid aside His right and made Himself lower than God for our sakes.

Unselfishness is when we don’t care who gets the credit or whose idea is chosen or who is asked to be in charge.  The fact that Jesus became a man who was unjustly condemned and crucified for our sakes is a reminder of how we should conduct ourselves toward others.  The problem is not that we think too lowly of others, it generally is that we think too highly of ourselves.   

Allow your ideas to take last place; look out for the interests of others and take no thought for your own interests.  Jesus was ultimately lifted up and glorified by the Father.  The beautiful thing is that if I am looking after the interests of my teammates, and if they are looking after the interests of others on the team, then I have a whole team of people looking after my interests – so I don’t need to be looking after my own interests at all – they are covered!

Response

1.       Self Reflection:  Each time you find yourself in a situation where there is conflict as you work together as a team, ask yourself:

·         Am I oriented toward myself or toward love of others?

·         Am I being selfish and conceited or am I responding with humility?

·         Am I putting the interests of others above my own?

2.       Confess your sin.

3.       Walk in the power of the Holy Spirit who will enable you to respond as Christ would respond.

4.       Defer to one another.  Don’t be about making sure you put yourself first.

In any group or team there will be disagreements (and there will be people who will refuse to pursue unity).  However, where there is the same love, there will be broad tolerance and mutual consideration.  Keep in mind the supreme example of God’s great love and unselfish consideration of others.  Seek to be like Jesus in your interactions with your teammates.

Next week:  Practical Tips on what to do when you experience conflict on your team.